She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
