I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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