i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Everything about him screamed your future.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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