I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
