I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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