I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i think my cat just said my name.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
