I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i may or may not be watching the land before time
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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