She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
