she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
