So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
