There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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