Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
