It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
