She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
