on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
