He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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