i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
