Someone shit on the floor
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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