Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize