Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
