I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
