if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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