tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
