Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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