I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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