The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize