I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
