everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
