I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
