If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
