mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
