I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i would punch a child for taco bell
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
