Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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