Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Sext me about skeletons
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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