Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
