I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
