I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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