Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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