I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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