I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
