is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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