So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
