dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
