i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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