Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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