I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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