I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
