So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
