If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
