I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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