I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
