Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
