I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize