dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Randomize
