Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
