I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
