come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
