Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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