we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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