need another drink. this is the easiest way
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Randomize
