Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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