omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize