I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
