she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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