is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
