i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
