Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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