Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
