I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
