That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
