holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
what is it with giant penises always finding me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
