it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
