This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize