i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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