And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
