I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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