her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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