You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My penis needs a shock collar
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
