I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
