you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
