Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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