Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
