i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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