you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
