i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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