He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
