you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
