So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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