i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
