yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
