I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
