I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
