why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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