textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
did i just pee glitter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
