I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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