I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
