You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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