he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
