but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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